Grief

It’s been a week since Mum died. I confess the shock and extent of my grief has surprised me. It was anticipated and I thought I had done much of my grieving. Not so! I've been shattered. Yesterday I felt utterly exhausted and was too weak and wobbly to go for my twice- weekly walk with my care-giver. Feel better today but still very fragile.

A friend sent me a card in which he said how his mother’s death had gutted him. It’s the sudden absence of a someone who has always been there. I can see a void on Saturday mornings for a while for I rang her at nine on that day every week. My inability to attend the funeral also probably contributes – there is not the same sense of closure.

The first hyacinth of the season is in bloom, a lovely lilac colour. Anne brought the pot inside. It goes with all the other flowers that I’ve received – cheerfulness amidst the winter gloom.